|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Jul 7, 2008 0:51:42 GMT -5
Colette had woken to find Jean gone. It was a normal occurrence now, and she had gotten used to it; though still in no way did she like it. She had called her maid to be dressed and then as was her normal routine, travelled down to the nursery to wake Marie herself with a kiss upon the smooth little forehead and sit watchfully on her stool while her daughter was dressed by the nursemaid. It was during these times that Marie would tell Colette all about her dreams and Colette would in return offer suggestions as to what the dreams meant. It was all folly and games and both of them knew it, but it was quite enjoyable.
Then the two would walk hand in hand to the drawing room, or the music room, as they had come to call it at times due to the array of musical instruments and paraphernalia set about it. Just this morning as they usually did at that time they were sitting side-by-side on the piano bench, each seated with straight backs and a graceful posture. There were playing a little diddy together, Colette handling the more complicated part, and Marie was using the simple scaling melody to warm up her voice the way that her mother had taught her. Occasionally they would stop for Colette to make a correction with Marie's playing or singing technique.
They did not expect Jean back until later, past lunchtime. He reported that he was handling business, but Colette did not believe that. Marie simply remained amazed at how much work her Papa had to do, and how often. The two ladies sat now, comfortable in the idea that he would return home eventually, wrapped in their own private world of music.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Jul 7, 2008 21:17:09 GMT -5
Jean took a deep breath before he entered his house. He had to get this done before it was too late and now was the time to do it. "This is the point of no return," he said quietly as he opened the door.
The door made a sound and he knew there was no turning back. A mirror hung nearby and Jean saw his red eyes and puffy ski, it was easy to tell he'd been crying. Jean sighed and walked to the music room where he had heard music and singing come from.
Reaching the entrance to the door Jean looked in, seeing Colette and Marie sitting at the piano practicing. They saw him standing at the door and the lesson stopped.
Marie yelled out in glee for her Papa and Jean walked over to them. "How's the music lesson going?" he asked. Marie replied it was going good and Colette agreed with her. Jean smiled and asked if he could help or sit in on the lesson. It would give him some time to plan what he was going to say.
|
|
|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Jul 8, 2008 1:17:02 GMT -5
The sound of a door opening and closing again was missed by the two at the piano. It was not an odd sound for this house, anyhow; the endless tap and stomp of servant's feet moving about to do their duties was a harmony to the melody of their day. The help often found themselves moving to the beat that was counted off for Marie's benefit by the lady of the house herself. The peaceful, highly structured routine of the morning hours was broken suddenly by the appearance of their master.
"Four, five, six... no, this is a waltz. You have to break that habit. We are not in the common eight-note sequence now--look, here--one, two--" The whole household seemed to fall silent in shock when that last direction wasn't given, and the music did not restart. A few servants stopped in their work and directed their eyes toward where they knew the room to be, confused by they knew not what, but knowing something was wrong. Marie and Colette had turned to see Jean standing there in bad sorts. His eyes were red and puffy, and his skin was sallow. He looked grievous and ill. Colette said nothing, only stared at him in wonderment. Marie smiled and squealed in delight at the sight of him, happy for his early return.
He asked how the lesson was going and Marie was quick to answer positively. She enjoyed the lessons with her mother so very much. Colette remained silent until she realised that her silence might seem odd, when she supplied a smile and agreed with her daughter's statement. Then Jean requested to join in, which Marie seemed to like very much. She looked questioningly at her mother, silently asking permission. Colette nodded and said, "Of course, darling. In fact, I am fatigued. Will you not help our daughter with her time signatures?" She said, indicating the musical piece on the stand. She stood from her place and moved to another seat, allowing him to take her place.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Jul 8, 2008 11:14:12 GMT -5
"Alright," said Jean. He was happy to do it and he tried to sound as happy as he could possibly be in his state. Colette gave him her seat as she went to sit in a chair nearby. "Okay, Marie, let's start at the top. One, two, three... wait, careful... there you are and one, two..."
Jean helped Marie and thought about how to break the news to Colette. He would ask Marie to leave the room, then he would close the doors to keep the servants from watching or hearing what went on. Then, he would sit Colette down and tell her plain and simple what he did and most likely beg for her forgiveness, then he would leave the house and return to Hana.
"That's good, Marie, you're beginning to get it!" exclaimed Jean, focusing on his daughter's lesson. "A few more tries."
Marie obeyed him and began to work on the piece again. Jean saw Colette look at him with Marie, he didn't know how Colette would take this news. Would she remain clam, go into a fit of yells, maybe even stay quiet? Jean didn't know, but as long as she forgave him, he was fine.
"Very good, Marie, you're an excellent pupil. Now, why don't you go play with Yua and your toys. Your mother and I have to talk about something."
Marie nodded a left the room. Jean and Colette were alone, they were silent for a moment before Jean went to the entrance and closed the sliding wooden door. He looked back at his wife and sighed.
"Colette, we have to talk..."
|
|
|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Jul 9, 2008 21:19:59 GMT -5
Colette watched the two interacting and tried to fill her heart with hope. Jean would be a good father, wouldn't he? He loved Marie dearly, though he did not know her nearly so well as Colette did. He may not have the hard hand of discipline, and would perhaps encourage some behaviours that would damage Marie in the future. It was a harsh world, one that men sometimes did not understand in the same way as women. Women were property, after all, in the long run, and thinking property at that--it was one thing to make oneself the best that they could be while still being property and another thing entirely to contend with the fact.
Suddenly the music stopped, and she was aware of Jean saying something. She had been so lost in her own thoughts and the pain of breathing that her concentration had faltered. It took a second longer than normal to snap to attention, as she was feeling terribly fatigued. The fatigue grew worse every day, bit by bit. Sometimes she felt as if there was a huge weight all over her and she had been walking for days, just upon waking, when she was supposed to feel refreshed.
Marie was disappointed. She had been enjoying the lesson and would have gladly gone all day if allowed. However, she knew not to oppose the command of family, especially her lord father. She nodded and with a loving smile and a curtsy hurried from the room. She had a terrible feeling, for Colette had never excused her from a room to discuss anything. In truth, Colette had discussed many a terrible and dark thing in front of Marie, although Marie did not know it. She had kept her tone light and conversational and spoken in a gentle code, even when going over the details of a hired assassination.
Colette stayed silent, still a bit far away. It seemed that no matter how deeply she breathed, there was just less than enough air. Her lungs strained and the rest of her strained with them. She watched Jean close the doors to the parlour and turn to face her; there, on his face, uninhibited, shone the look that she had so often detected beneath the façade of happiness and normality. Guilt. Grief. Longing?
"Colette, we need to talk..." He said, and she remained poised in her chair, though she tensed slightly. She nodded in encouragement. "By all means, husband," She said with a smile and perfect inconspicuous grace, although she was in turmoil. She would find out now how he had betrayed her, for surely that was what he had done. How? She did not know.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Jul 10, 2008 16:12:34 GMT -5
Jean stood face to face with the smiling Colette. The moment had come and he couldn't believe it. He cleared his throat and sat down in the chair that was next to Colette's, to have a more calm nature when he was falling apart. He looked into her exotic blue eyes and knew he had to simply come out with it.
"I have to tell you something that you deserve to know about. But before you cut me off when I'm finished telling you what that is, you have to let me explain. Understood?" he asked. Colette nodded and he continued. "The story begins when I first left for Japan. I was feeling trapped in a marriage that had no true love, no passion, if you will, and I brought those feelings to Japan. I had expected to deal with those feelings my entire life, but I then I went to a party held by my Japanese associates. There were geishas there and I wasn't planning on anything, until I met her. I had bumped into her as she was carrying a tea tray and spilled some hot tea on the floor. At once I apologized and helped clean it up, then I looked up and met her eyes. She told me her name was Hana and I told her my name and it seemed like we fell in the love at the start. We talked until the early hours of the morning, then had to leave the party. I told her I wanted to see her again, and she wanted to see me as well..."
Jean stared at Colette as he spoke, he knew the smile wouldn't have lasted any longer than those few seconds. Her smile had turned into a look of sadness and turmoil, like she knew where the story was going.
"...We courted for the two years I was gone and then your letter told me about your illness and I knew that I had to return home. I didn't want to leave Hana behind, for she hated the geisha life, feeling trapped and controlled all the time, so I took her with me. I bought her an apartment in the city and have continued seeing her since my return home. I found out then that she was pregnant," Jean something flare up in Colette's eyes, like an inextinguishable fire. "Main word: was, she has suffered a miscarriage in her pregnancy," he saw the flame die a little, but it remained there. "I had to tell you because for one, you deserve to know and not go along with the charade and second of all, I need your forgiveness. Sounds silly and foolish to men who have mistresses, but I need your forgiveness Colette, because I know you cared for me and it wasn't fair to you. If I never received your forgiveness before you left us, well, the guilt would drive me to madness."
Jean closed his eyes, not wanting to see Colette's, knowing that it would only hurt him. He opened his eyes reluctantly and explained. "Colette, from my point of view, I do not see this as infidelity, because an infidelity is when you cheat someone you love, but as much as I tried to, I never loved you as a husband and wife should, I only cared for you as a friend. I hope you understand now."
He sat there in silence for a few moments waiting for Colette to speak. Jean waited with a heavy heart, but the weight of the world was off his shoulders. There was no going back now, nothing was the same between them any longer. There was that once of tension and sense of betrayal, but if Jean had to feel that to be with Hana, he would do it for a thousand years. "Colette, do you have anything to say?"
|
|
|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Jul 11, 2008 3:38:58 GMT -5
Colette felt as if her entire being were on fire. She wanted to burn him up and then burn away to never suffer the consequences. Her lungs ached terribly and she felt faint, but her eyes remained sharp, her mind painfully aware and agonizingly comprehending. With every word he spoke she wanted to strike out at him, make him suffer as she suffered, and then flee into herself like a wounded animal. It all came in waves, hurt after hurt: trapped in a marriage that had no true love, no passion... we fell in the love at the start... I took her with me... continued seeing her since my return home... she was pregnant... she has suffered a miscarriage... I do not see this as infidelity... I never loved you...
Good God! Visions passed before her, wonderful visions made terrible by the completeness of the story. Jean lifting Marie in his arms, just returned, and thinking of her! Did he think of Hana as her mother? He hoped for that, surely. That she, Colette, would die, and this Hana woman would be by his side... a wife... a wanted wife! To raise his child, no, children! Marie was a child of a loveless marriage. That bastard child that had died within the womb of the foreign woman was born of love! Love! That she would never have, that she would die soon without ever having had. Jean had wandered, what did he say? Trapped. Trapped by her, his unloveable wife. She wanted to strangle him. Friends, ha! She had made love to him, had his child and raised her with tender care, she had been his wife. She was still his wife! Why did it feel suddenly as if she had already died, and was just now being told that it had happened quite a time ago?
Her thoughts flew like a raging storm being her eyes. Her face was as closed and cold as a porcelain doll's, pretty and still. Her eyes, though, were an icy blue swarm of indignation and hatred. He had made love to her and then gone back to his woman and taken her, too, and probably with relief. She wanted to choke on her own heart; run... take Marie and run, hide in a cave and wish him foul. Everything about her was wounded. Her pride, her heart, her body. Yet still she stood with a ramrod straight back, all nobility and strength. She sat there in silence for a few moments, her eyes flicking over him in disdain.
"So that is it?" She asked, and the silence quivered around her to fill in the gap that the statement made. Her tone was light, almost mocking. A sardonic smile curved on her lips.
"So you... have confessed. You want me to forgive you, now. Give absolution to your soul, so that you can dance out with a clean concience and have many foreign-eyed babies with your Japanese whore and live happily ever after," She paused and lifted a brow, a humorous smile finally taking over. She looked as if she were going to laugh; she felt as if she were going mad. "You are a terrible, selfish man! And a fool, such a fool! What do you expect? Oh, no--" She stopped, a little giggle forcing it's way out, "I know. You expect me to cry and be very angry and hurt, and then to deny you forgiveness, and then as I die, I'm sure you hope that elusive pardon will be on my lips. That would be so quaint!" She smiled and with a curt nod, stood. She made way for the door without looking back at him, ready to exit.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Jul 11, 2008 20:52:30 GMT -5
Japanese whore...She had said it with such hate and detest in her voice it made Jean's fists clench and turn whiter than a bright sun. As she got up and tried leaving the room Jean stood up with his fists still clenched.
"How dare you, Nicolette Martine Gabrielle de Chantoux Jondrette," said Jean in a quiet voice, but he said it with such anger and fury that would strike fear in the strongest of men. It was enough to make Colette turn around and look him in the eye. "You call her a whore and you haven't even said a syllable to her! Is that how you've raised Marie since I've been gone? To judge others by their social standing? I've met people who didn't have a sou to their name and they were much better people than the wealthy, manipulative bourgeoisie that I was raised with! When you've insulted Hana, you've insulted me and our dead child who never got to see the world that I wish it could've known."
Jean tried to see if Colette was weakening at this and he didn't care what she did now, not after what she had said. Jean breathed for a moment and continued with what he had to say.
"Now, I don't need your forgiveness! I wanted it, I craved for it, but now I can't nor don't want it anymore! The moment you insulted Hana was the moment that I lost all pity for you! Do you know what, I'd do it all again and not change one little detail. Do you know why? For once in my life, I made a decision and I couldn't be happier. All of my life I was a puppet, a pawn in my parents' plan, the same with you and your parents. Tell me, would you have married me if your father didn't tell you to?"
Speaking of Colette's father made Jean remember his infidelity and how Colette's stepmother treated her horribly. "Oh now I know why you hate Hana, not just because she's the one I really love, you fear of being replaced!" He saw Colette grew angry with this and even she couldn't hide it. Jean smiled mockingly. "Look, Nicolette,you don't have to worry about being replaced! Marie has grown closer to you in two years than people do in their whole lives. She wouldn't forget you, she wouldn't know Hana as her real mother, no matter how much Hana could try. Hana wouldn't treat her horribly either because I love Marie and wouldn't let that happen! The thought of it, questioning my position as a parent, makes me wonder if we ever truly loved one another. At least I know Marie trusts me as her father!"
Jean's mind was so clouded and tired, he began to leave the room with a fire in his stomach that engulfed his heart and soul.
|
|
|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Jul 15, 2008 2:17:46 GMT -5
Colette felt very ill. Her head swam with lack of air, and she was too terribly angry to fight for it at that precise moment. She grit her teeth and her eyes glazed over for a moment, the conciousness in her waning as his narrative wore on. She had never seen him so angry. She hated him. She hated his self-righteos babble!
At least I know Marie trusts me as her father!
That almost sent her over the edge. "Oh, Jean--that is because she has not known you long enough." She said calmly, and the thought hurt her as much as it would probably hurt him. She didn't want her daughter to know. She wanted Marie to go on blissfully unaware, to have her father and be loved by him. How could it be, really, and rightfully? Marie would not remain a child forever. She would learn about the world around her and eventually turn an evaluating eye upon her own world.
"As for your... Hama? Hana? What else would you call a woman who sleeps with a man, knowing that he is married and has a young child?" She asked, the mere image of that woman boiling the blood in her veins. She had always fought and battled, sometimes without mercy, for what she wanted. Yet she had never wilfully stolen; the thought of a woman who would do that, nonetheless to her child and herself, made the evil tendency for vengeance in her rear its head like an ugly beast.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Jul 15, 2008 12:02:29 GMT -5
Jean was shocked at Colette. Did really she think that if Marie knew him long enough she wouldn't trust him? Was he so untrustworthy that not even his flesh and blood would trust him? He couldn't believe it, he wouldn't believe it at all.
Jean had the fire in his body grow with every second. He never knew it before, but he hated her, he hated her with all of his being. She was his wife...on paper! She was never a true wife, a wife who you loved with all your heart. If anything, Hana deserved the title of his wife.
"I'd say something in return, but you're still the mother of our child, so I just can't say it!" Jean yelled running out of the room.
He rushed up the steps, ignoring the servant that were standing around, shocked. They must have heard it all, he and Colette were screaming at each other, but he didn't care, he wanted them to what went on. It was better that they knew the truth rather than hear some lie.
Jean was heading towards his room, noticing Marie was standing nearby, outside of her room. She questioned her father as to what was wrong. "Not now, Marie!" he had yelled.
Jean heard crying from behind him. Immediately, the anger in him was gone and replaced with a fatherly tenderness. He rushed up to Marie and went to kneel before her.
"Oh Marie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry mon ange, mon princesse! I'm not mad at you, I'll never be mad at you," Jean said with care. He ran his fingers through her hair and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry, I'll never yell at you. Oh, you're shaking, it's all right, don't worry. It's just that... well you know how sometimes when there's a lot going on and you don't know what to do?" He saw Marie nod. She was becoming less afraid. "You see, Papa is having those feelings, and when I do, I get scared and Papa sometimes gets impatient. But if I ever do get impatient, do you know what I think of?" Marie shook her head no. "I think about you, you and me walking through the park in the bright sunshine. That makes Papa feel better, do you understand? I'll never be mad at you, you must remember I'll always love you, no matter what."
Jean opened his arms for a hug and Marie fell into him, returning the hug. Jean held her for a moment, expecting Colette to come up at any minute. Jean knew that he had to leave, right away to prevent awkwardness.
"Marie, Papa has to go away for a little while. My godmother is sick, she's dying and has no one to care for her. I'd take you with me, but your mama needs you here with her. I don't know when I'll be back though. I have to leave right away for her home, so I'll see you when I return."
He kissed little Marie's head and went off to his room to pack. He despised lying to Marie, but what else could he have done? There was no other way to tell her and it was just another lie to add to his web of them.
|
|
|
Post by Les Jondrette Femmes on Aug 27, 2008 20:52:18 GMT -5
Colette stared coldly into his eyes, burning within. Her body felt as rigid as stone, her joints creaky and unusable. She saw the emotion in his eyes, the pure loathing and... disgust? She swallowed, but her despair and anger did not register on her face. She appeared as composed as she ever was, with a clear mind. Her eyes bore daggers into his back as he turned and made his exit. She did not stop him, but waited until the doors were shut and his footsteps had echoed lightly down the hall. For quite a white she sat there, stiff and unmoving. She felt as if her insides were too big for her stiff outer shell and were bursting and pressing to be free. No... just tears. She allowed herself a single one before she stood, composing herself again and straightening out her skirts idly, as if they had just discussed the menu for the upcoming party and the discussion had concluded to her satisfaction. The tear was flicked from her face with the tip of a gloved finger, and she waited, standing and listening. He heard the door to a room open, and knew with a pang of regret and sadness that their daughter had heard.
Marie heard the shouting and exited her room, as she knew she shouldn't, for the nursemaid hovered near her shoulder nervously and tried in whispers to beckon her back inside. Regardless, Marie watched her father storm past. She took a few tiny steps after him and called, "Papa? What is--" Her face turned pale and stricken as he turned and snapped at her. She felt the deep hurt that children feel when chastised for the first time by someone that they love, and tears sprang immediately into her eyes. A little sob escaped her and the nursemaid was giving a hard look at the back of the master of the house. The young woman quickly retreated back into the room, though, when Jean turned and knelt to console his daughter.
Marie stared at Jean with a small pout of retributive childish anger, but then softened at his tender use of her pet names. He spoke to her kindly and brushed his fingers through her hair. Then he opened his arms to her, and Marie fell into them, feeling once again warm and safe, though slightly shaken. As he pulled back, Marie saw a look in her father's eyes that she had not seen before. Then he said quickly that he was going away. Marie frowned and her brows drew together in apprehension. Was he going away again, like he did when she was just born? How long would it be? The nursemaid's hand on her shoulder guided her back into her room as Jean headed down the hall away from them.
As soon as he was gone to his room, Colette turned the corner, where she had waited through the scene, and entered the nursery without warning, surprising the maid. The maid gave her an apologetic, sympathizing look, to which Colette gave a nod and stern look. She appreciated the pity, but neither wanted nor needed it. Marie gazed up at her with worry on her face. "When will Papa be back?" She asked, and Colette took a deep sigh as she thought over the answer. "About six months, I imagine." She said, and Marie gave her a blank look. She had not mastered the idea of months yet. She only knew days and that years were long. Colette then corrected herself: "Half of a year, darling." Marie gave a sob of protest, but Colette sat beside her on the little bed and buried her daughter in her arms. "He loves you, dearest, very much. He is not leaving because of you, but he will return because of you. Listen, we will do fun things, go to the opera, and then before you know it all of the time will be behind you and he will be back." Marie sniffed and nodded. The two of them walked together out of the room and back to the parlour to continue their lesson.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Jondrette on Aug 28, 2008 20:02:43 GMT -5
Jean was alone in his room, throwing clothes into a lone suitcase. His head ached and his mind was drowning in a sea of confusion. What had he just done? What would happen now? What was he going to? Everything that had occurred in the past few months had drained his energy, making him feel weak every moment. The miscarriage wasn't helping him, in fact, just the thought of it wanted to make him retch.
For a moment as he threw his clothing mindlessly, Jean's thought process stopped dead in his tracks. His involuntary actions became voluntary and for a moment he stopped breathing altogether and he fell to the ground without making a sound. After a moment his body took over the breathing and the color returned to his face. Those random falling moments... he hadn't had one since he was a child and did it to get attention from his parents. They were all staged, but now it was real.
Getting onto his feet, the man brushed off his clothing and was calm. Deep breathes followed as he looked around the room, seeing the suitcase and remembering the events that had just passed. Jean realized that he was free at that moment, free to be with Hana without worrying about Colette finding out. He would move in with Hana and he wouldn't return until Colette's death. Then again, how he would miss Marie, he would come to visit her, saying his godmother let him return. Oh the fun they would have!
But Jean had to take one step at a time, first he had to pack the essential belongings. Already was a generous amount of clothes, but he needed a few trinkets as well. A watch he inherited from his grandfather, a small picture of Marie, a book and a few other personal items.
Once he thought he had everything he needed, he went over to the dressing and opened a drawer which contained a medium sized box. It was decorated with a few lines of gold and was brown in color, with a golden lock. Jean took the drawer out and unattached a key that was on the bottom. Using the key to open the box, Jean got inside and he saw what was inside. From side to side were piles of high valued bills, thousands of francs were held inside, accumulated from many years. Jean always kept it if he became financially insecure, but this wasn't all. He also had an account he created before his marriage that only he knew about. By now, it was worth millions.
Putting the box in the suitcase, Jean was ready to leave. He sighed and looked around the room, knowing he wouldn't be in the room for a few months, maybe longer. But he knew Hana was expecting him any minute and he should get going. Jean walked slowly down the deserted hallway and went down the stairs, his shoes tapping so that the whole house could hear.
On the first floor, no servants dared entered until the master of the house was gone, for fear of another outburst. Jean had to say good bye to marie, who by the sound of it was picking up where she left off in her lessons. The parlor was filled with music and had an opened door which Jean entered through. Colette had not looked at him and Marie did not change her gaze until the first part of the song was finished.
"Marie, I'm leaving now for the countryside," Jean kneeled down to her and put his hand to her cheek. "It's not that far from Paris, if I can get away, I will and I'll visit you. We'll do whatever we want and that'll make our separation. I'll never leave your life for years, again. I'll stay at my godmother's house, we'll try to make her well, I'll come visit you, go back and once she's better, I'll come home and we'll have fun again. I promise you."
Jean kissed his daughter's forehead and listened to her good bye and accepted her myriad of hugs and kisses. She eventually let him up and Jean saw Colette was still not facing him. Their marriage was not the best, but they were still married. He couldn't leave without a word.
"Good bye, Colette, good bye..."
That was the day that Jean Maurice Victor Jondrette left his home and would not return until a depressing event...
|
|